The Secret to Real Confidence

 A lot of life and life energy gets wasted in resisting the present. However, only the present is true. This moment is never going to come again. When we are children, we want to become adults as soon as possible and when we are adults, we want to become young or youthful again. Grace is all about acceptance of the present and honouring your present life conditions. 

I have wasted a lot of my life resisting my father. Even though I highly respected him and did what he wanted me to do, I did it with a lot of resistance and hence suffered myself and built resentment. Eckhart Tolle says you must either accept the present, change it, or escape it. If you help someone without wanting to, better not. This does not mean we only have to do things we like. It means, that we need to temper down our likes and dislikes. We need to arrive at a place of more acceptance and less judgment or else do something about it. Living with resistance not only affects, our mindset, thoughts and feelings but it affects our relationships, health and life circumstances. 

Only when we accept something the way it is right now, can we live with it or change it gracefully. 

Also, this resistance to what is creates a fission within ourselves. It makes us inauthentic and deprives us of integrity. This is because, rather than taking our circumstances as a part of ourselves, we reject them and focus on what others have or what we want instead. We cannot feel both happy and sad at the same time. So we cannot focus both positively and negatively at the same time. So, if we want something that others have, we can focus on that thing positively and also focus positively on the similar thing that we have or the way(s) in which that thing manifests in our lives. This way, we are focussing positively and are hence attracting it into our lives. 

However, if we focus on our own life situation in a negative way, it is not possible to focus on the life that we want positively. We feel negative emotions to see the gap between what we have and what we want or where we are and where we want to be. Then, we feel emotions like grief, hurt, jealousy, shame, guilt, etc. These are forms of pain. Eckhart Tolle talks about what he calls as 'pain body'. This is the pain that we have been carrying around due to the wounds that we have not healed. This is why different people feel emotional pain because of different circumstances. These circumstances vary in both intensity and type. 

When there is pain, we can remind ourselves about what we need to do in the situation by remembering the following acronym:-

P-Pay 

A- Attention

I- Integrate 

N- Now. 

This way, we can completely change the meaning of pain and be thankful for it having come up so that we become aware of our pain body and heal more. As Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev has said, many yogis have actually prayed for difficult circumstances to spiritually grow faster. 

As we know, our experience of the world is not actually how the world is. This is because the way each one perceives and experiences the world is different. For example, you must have noticed that after a spiritual practice, the world seems better, and everything you see is fresher and clearer. Whereas, if you are grieving, the thoughts that come to your mind are all negative. So, whatever happens to us, is not happening to us as a fact. Actually, what is happening to us is the same as what we are open to receiving. This is why they say like attracts like. Also, what we are open to receiving depends on the level of our vibration. Thus, the world is not literally a mirror to us, but our perception of the world is and that is all that we could, can and would be able to know of the world. People say that travelling the world is necessary as we know of only one life. However, this is a horizontal way of doing things. One may not travel the world but the depth of one's experience can be as vast as his awareness. So, wouldn't it be nice to travel the world while also increasing our receptivity? 

What I am saying may not be easily understandable for everyone. To put it simply, do not cry over split milk, make hay while the sun shines, if don't get what you want, like what you get and if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

All pain is because of resistance and fragmentation. Acceptance and integration go hand in hand. The moment we accept our life circumstances the way they are, we love the parts that are to our liking or we are motivated to move forward to change the parts that aren't. Both these ways take us towards meeting our own needs and becoming more fulfilled individuals. This also raises one's confidence as we develop self-acceptance, peace and drive for action. In the process, especially while making decisions, we further integrate our parts by bringing all conflicting parts of ourselves on the same page and evaluating the priority of our various values. This way, we get to know ourselves and are more self-assured. 

You are The Purpose

Often it is said that a human needs a purpose in life.  However, what should those who are still figuring out their purpose do? What would motivate them to live a good quality life? 

Some say, the answer is self love.  Okay, but loving yourself is a weird and counterintuitive concept for many.  How can one love oneself, love is an emotion and also a verb. Love, in essence means to take another as a part of yourself. How can you take yourself as a part of yourself? This is why, the concept of self love is a bit difficult to comprehend. 

There is one way to explain it. There are two ways to go about it. 

First way: 

You are fragmented and hence you have many parts inside yourself which have different needs and thus pull you in various directions. Some are stronger than others. However, if you deeply accept and embrace all the parts within yourself and each of your parts relates to another in a harmonious way, the needs of all of them become important and you fulfill them in the best way possible such that it is advantageous to all your parts or the whole of you.  In this way, you practice self love and truly honour the value of integrity. 

Second way: 

This way is more external than internal. You don't need a purpose, you just need to know your value. This very moment of your existence has an impact on the world. Even your thoughts have an impact on the world. Thoughts emit a vibration  just like sound waves. The world was first created by a sound (Aum). God said, "let there be light". In Hindi it is said, "Sankalp se srishti". 

Also, at this moment you exist to expand the universe. You are a culmination of a long line of humans and you might lead to further expansion. The way you evolve has an impact on the future generations. 

I had read somewhere that the children of older and more educated women are more intelligent because of the higher education of the mother.

Also, although we cannot see properly from our current limited perspectives, we all are more interconnected and interdependent than we. Who knows, if you help a person today and he greatly benefits from it and after 60 years you see his grand daughter marrying your grandson. So, limiting love towards your own family or community is absolutely meaningless. Being all inclusive is the only rational way to be.  

So, irrespective of whether we value our lives or not, or we have a purpose or not, our lives don't stop being significant. Investing in yourself now, means that you are preparing yourself for when the opportunity arises and for when you are able and available to do what is needed to be done. 

Out of honour, pride and  gratitude to our ancestors and hope, responsibility and blessings to our future lineage, the natural outcome is to improve the quality of your body, mind, intelligence and develop yourself spiritually. 

As David Goggins says, "You are the purpose". 

Unlearning What Brings You Down

Once upon a time, I was quite triggered by a guy I liked who wouldn't reply to all of my messages. He would reply in single words or reply quickly when we were planning to meet.  In person, he had been quite sweet and caring but his not replying to all my texts made me feel quite hurt, angry and confused. He didn't have a plausible explanation nor did he apologize. So I lost interest but it got me thinking about why was his behavior on texts affecting me so much.  I had already come a long way since my childhood in recognizing my self-worth and what I deserve, and I have had very therapeutic experiences in which I was accepted completely for who I was.  So yes, despite all the inner work and correctional experiences, why was I being at the mercy of a boy? 

I was nudged into this direction by a podcast episode by Hailey Hoffman Smith titled 'How to work with your triggers and move to your highest timeline'. So, as she recommended, I felt the pain and discomfort completely and reminded myself that this trigger was actually calling my attention to a wound that I'd been carrying for a long time. I was happy and thankful for this pain and hurt to have come up because now, I can consciously give it attention. So, I did that during my meditation session but still couldn't understand why I was so hurt. However, sleep is an amazing thing.  👏  Just after a nap, it dawned upon me that we as children are quite sensitive and soak in everything.

The root of this pain came from me seeing myself in the role of Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. As a child I did that because I used to dress like her then but boy oh boy, it was an extremely unhealthy stereotype that I had internalized. First of all, I made looks very important in my mind but at the same time knew that you can not look very fashionable or glamorous but still be a good person. However, if a guy doesn't like you, it is mostly due to your looks. But this messaging was not quite strong. What was of primary importance and the root cause of my pain was seeing Kajol being devastated and shattered to know that the person she loved so dearly was in love with someone else.  This shows non-acceptance of the reality of people's wishes and extremely low self-worth that makes you feel bad about yourself just because a guy does not like you the way you like him. She did not see herself to be worthy enough to think that she had better things to do in life than whine over someone who didn't love her romantically. She did not have an Eckhart appreciation for life and the enormous possibilities that this amazing, juicy, resourceful and responsive world provides! She did not value her own life which is surely magnificent and amazing but temporary. The problem is that we create hopes and expectations of the future as we dream about it and we reject the present. In the 'Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, he has put it quite sensibly.  He states that to be in the now or to be free, you need to forgive not just people, including yourself but also the past, present and future; and that there is no difference between forgiveness and acceptance. Both of them mean that there is no resistance to your experience of reality. This way, every moment is seen with new eyes. 

It is relevant here to understand that we keep making so many decisions and live our lives, without really questioning if the value-judgements that we live by are ours or are inherited from our ancestors or our society. Basically, it is called conditioning or socialization. We would accept that we are quite delusional if we actually realize the multitude of ways in which society has messed up our minds.  The 'civilizations' all around the have socialized us in every aspect of our lifestyle so much so that it has literally imprisoned us. I am using a very strong word here but if we actually trace back our thoughts or contemplate why we do the things that we do, we would notice that civilization has made life unnecessarily complex and the norms, expectations and values that we have internalized are often not healthful for us. Many of them are not nurturing or nourishing in any way whatsoever. The entire fashion industry is built around shame. Feeling less worthy and judging others goes hand in hand and it is not one person's fault. It is just the effect of growing up in a society that has a long but sure way to go spiritually.  

Last but not least, that realisation that I had internalized the need to pity myself, get hurt and feel disappointed because a guy didn't treat me the way I expected, was an aha moment! I am forever cured of this problem and it is in fact quite laughable to even think all this from a soul level.  That's because the present can't change, I don't want anyone who doesn't want me anyway and I know for a fact through experience that when I'm feeling bad, I am feeling that way because I am not aware of the truth. When you're aligned with the truth, you can't be sad.

So, now if anyone ignores you, to bother is none of your business. Live and let live but first, live! The best thing to do is to be grateful to have had the experience and thank the person for it.

The Value and Need for Human Rights

My favourite subjects have been Value Education and Philosophy. While studying Political Science, I got the opportunity to study Political Philosophy. I was quite impressed and inspired by the value given by the constitutions of all the nations to individual and community rights. Coming together with people is essential for securing the rights of a group. Only because of the Constitution in particular and the laws, in general, do we have stability and a foundation for a secure society where there is always hope, even if the situation hits rock bottom. 

I want to see a society where there is equity and people are happy and they enjoy good health. Human resource is a magnificent resource and the return on investment is too valuable to quantify. Hence, I have always been concerned about what can be done to provide people with a good life. 

People who belong to marginalised groups face many difficulties only because of their social situation. For example, people who have been displaced by large projects like the Sardar Sarovar project. Among these, those who are women, dalits, adivasis, gender and sexual minorities and persons with disabilities, have to undergo double the trouble.

These communities face structural violence that is propagated by our tradition, social miscreants and the lack of empathy for them in general.

These groups of people share two things in common:-

1. The world is not made for them just like scissors are not made for lefties.

2. They are perceived to have lesser worth and thus less able.

Thus, they do not have equal access to opportunities from the get-go and are thus at an unfair disadvantage because of the social location of their birth. 

I am of the firm opinion that if people feel included, through a sense of belongingness and ownership in the polity, they will all be happier, healthier and, more productive and self-actualized. 

Why Are the Most Rational Ways to Do Things Called the 'Alternative'?

https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/dear-narayana-murthy-heres-why-you-need-to-read-karl-marx-thoreau-and-john-ruskin-9009732/ 

This is such a beautiful read. it is a respite since the world has been becoming predominantly masculine. Living life fully in the present is an art that needs to be relearnt. There is great scope for making improvements in the work culture in many organizations. As Avjit Pathak sir said, there are some mad people, so there is hope. One pertinent question that comes to mind is, why does the norm always have to include practices that are short sighted, unsustainable and unhealthful? Why were enlightened people like Ramakrishna Paramhansa were labelled as mad by the society? Why non-intrusive and healfthful treatments labelled 'alternative' therapies or why renewable sources of energy have to be called 'alternative' sources of energy? It is understandable that man was not always wise, buy how long will he take to rationalise his activities? Now that, wisdom has dawned upon him, how long will the sustainable and healthful practices become the norm so that the feminine and masculine balance each other out. We always knew that ecology is indirectly economy, what is within is without and personal is political. 

On Achieving Goals

Often in life, we try to improve our life circumstances by making efforts and doing things which we think will change our life situation for the better. We try to improve our lives through self-help content from books/videos/podcasts, etc. Of course, all of this is very helpful but the advice is quite general. 

To achieve the results that 'We' want, we need to know a few things:-

1. Who are we?

2. What do we want?

3. Why do we not have what we want?

Who am I? Once we have the answer to this question, not intellectually but the true knowing through experience and self-introspection, we find stillness, calmness and peace within us that is indestructible and eternal. 

Then, the positive affirmations would not seem like new thoughts but rather mirrors reflecting what you really are. This is not a positive mindset or an attitude but a divine place within you which is eternally available for you to visit. It is you, but beneath everything that is not you. Once, this is in place, you are in the right place. So, we need to keep checking if we are in the right place or else, we are lost to unconsciousness. 

The second question, that is, 'what do we want?' can be answered by us alone. The answer is correct when we are answering it from the above-said 'right place'. It is very important to keep in mind that the above-said place is primary and our goals are secondary. Goals should be decided from the 'right place' but the 'right place' should never be decided based on the goals, that would lead us to sell our souls and there is no inheritance more precious and sacred than this 'right place'.  So, never compromise, as you have to live with yourself and you can't make yourself a destitute. 

The answer to the third question can be gathered from the abovesaid self-help content. However, in my opinion, the best way to find the answer is to observe what people who have the same results do and replicate them. Also, the better way to do it is to be observed and corrected by those who know exactly what you want, want you to have it and have it themselves. Often, we get irritated or angry due to the repeated criticism coming at us from people who have observed us from close quarters. If we really appreciate what they say and take the critical statements constructively in case they are going to take us to our desired goals, I do not see any harm. 

Lastly, if you really want to achieve your goals, keep checking if you know your exact goals, narrow them down so that they aren't overwhelming, keep them precise so that your focus is accurate, know the pattern in your mistakes, keep checking if you are in the right place and hit only when you are sure. So, keep making sure that a victory is predictable but if you fail, never give up.  

Independence

Independence or living life on your own terms does not come from financial Independence, living alone, or even knowledge. It comes from self-awareness. Our choices can be exercised when we are aware of our own values. Absent-minded indulgence or selfless sacrifices are two extreme scenarios of what happens when we do not exercise our judgement and discrimination while making choices or taking decisions without self-awareness. Both of these go against our well-being. 

No wonder, Gandhi described Swarajya as 'Enlightened self-rule'. 

Nothing is particularly right or good for anyone. What determines whether something is right is whether the process (means) and the consequences (end) align with our values. 

That is why Gandhi said that the means are as important as the end. 

Spirit

We all feel a sense of lack on some level. This lack is expressed as needs.  These are physical,  emotional,  sexual etc. 

The nature of a human life is such that there will be needs for all practical purposes.  The non-fulfillment of these needs creates  negative feelings i.e. pain.   This does not allow us to live in a magnificent way, in-spite of us being magnificent beings. As Abraham Hicks say, we are source energy in physical bodies. 

The blocks in expressing our magnificence come about because we are holding on to our pain. Fear is just pain manifest and all negative emotions come from fear. 

If we could find a way to let go of our pain which is living inside us in the form of fear/rage/anger/jealousy/grief/disappointment/any other negative emotion(s), we could then experience our magnificent inert nature. 

The moment, we experience this nature we have the self confidence to take life in our stride. We realise that nothing matters very much and that no pain or hurt is stronger than ourselves. It makes us more capable to face all facets of life. 

This is not an understanding, it is an experience.  It is the experience of your own nature that is not masked. This knowing is very empowering in several ways. This empowered person is free to pursue all needs without being attached to their objects of desire as they know that they are whole and complete and devoid of any needs (in actuality). They understand that the needs exist for all practical purposes of the human life and are temporary.  All desires are meant to be enjoyed without attachment. They recognize that the world has a lot to offer for their survival and enjoyment but they are not incomplete in anyway. 

They have pain because they are not able to realise their own wholeness. Even Plato in his theory of Forms explained that nothing that exists in the practical world is a perfect copy of that which exists in the true and absolute world. This helps us accept that nothing is going to be perfect and done and that everything in the physical/ practical world is not complete and we should give ourselves the respite by accepting that it's never going to look the way it really is. As Abraham Hicks say,  you can't get it wrong because you never get it done.  

So rather that focusing on the ways in which things are not the way they should be,  we can relish in the ways in which they are as we like. 

This is not bypassing the reality but accepting the reality that the practical world is imperfect. Such an understanding safeguards ourselves from imbalance. Basically, our Being can stay as unaffected (and more stable, secure and balanced) much as possible.  

Moreover, we always have access to the absolute world when we go inwards. 

You are magnificent, whole and complete and the practical world has no capability to provide for your needs in an absolute and perfect way.  You have in you every feeling you need,  absolutely because where you come from is perfect just like you.  

Pain just exists so that you can sense/ realise the shadow nature of the physical world. 

When I Am Not Happy, I Do Not Know the Truth

 Yogas Chitta Vritti Nirodha is a phrase that I am very drawn to, lately. It means yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind. 

We, keep on seeking something, something to relieve our suffering and something to give us pleasure. However, in this constant endeavour, we miss out on the essence of ourselves. Our essence itself is joy, love, peace, and fulfilment. Hence, we are never satisfied- can not be satisfied because no experience can match up to this experience of our core or essence on a consistent basis. 

Hum Rahe Ya Na Rahe Kal

Kal Yaad Aayenge Yeh Pal

Pal Yeh Hain Pyaar Ke Pal

Chal Aa Mere Sang Chal

Chal Soche Kya

Chhoti Si Hai Zindagi

Kal Mil Jaaye To

Hogi Khushnaseebi ~

These lyrics strings a chord in my heart but then at the same time, it is great teaching. Moments come and go, nothing lasts. However, something that is always available to me is my own self. It is like a flower that is always in bloom. It is beautiful, colorful, and fragrant. That is the quality of myself, that I carry around. 

One more concept that I have understood and believe to be true is that when I am not happy, I do not know the truth. When I feel a negative emotion, I am far away from experiencing my own self and perceiving the truth. 

They say truth can be bitter. But, I don't believe that. One cannot know the truth with limited awareness. In fact, one cannot know everything, always. We are limited by time and space. 

But in reality, as per the post-Einstein understanding, all moments exist at once. There is past, present, and future, in fact, we are moving through them, but they exist together at the same time. Our subconscious and unconscious minds move through them in ways and speeds that we do not understand logically or consciously. The whole world is working on a conscious level, which is limited to rationality. Many times, we work even without rationality. However, rationality is also limited. 

States of pleasure dramatically alter our state of mind, however coming out of it, may bring sense of wastefulness. This is because, what we could experience independent of the material world, we have experienced being dependent on it. However, pleasure may allow us to think or feel on a much higher level than what  our rationality or the regular states of mind may allow. 

So, consciousness, rationality, and the way we feel are all connected and go together. 

When we go higher in one of them, we go higher in others as well. However, rationality is different from science. Science is limited but actual experiments. However, rationality can deduce without having to do physical experiments. 

The forms of yoga- are karma (action), bhakti (devotion), raja (discipline ), and jnana (knowledge). All these paths have a different share of rationality and emotion. 

Sat - chit- ananda = existence- consciousness- bliss

This phrase on its own explains why one cannot have a negative emotion when one is aware of the truth. The state of awareness is directly proportional to the way we feel. 

So, no path is better or worse, all meet at the same end and meet one another, eventually. Hence, everything turns out good in the end. This is not because it turns out good in the end (as per our current understanding of good). Rather it is that we ultimately reach complete awareness in the end. Bodhisattvas or sages come back again and again to uplift humanity because of their compassion. We are one family and those who have reached are waiting for us with patience and compassion. They want us to experience the bliss that they do constantly. It is said that Shiva was the first yogi who came to do this. 

Vibration precedes manifestation. It means that nothing comes into existence before it vibrates. It has been proved by science that matter is a wave as well as a particle. According to Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev,  even the bubble chamber experiment proves that subatomic particles appear and disappear multiple times in a very short period of time. It proves what Buddha said as per Sadguru. He said that he realized that between the time of opening and closing of his eyes (a blink of an eye), he appeared and disappeared a million times. 

All this I have not experienced. However, I know one thing for sure. There is a lot to feel, understand, know, and experience. I also know that heaven or hell is basically our state of mind. It is not called a state of mind for nothing. I believe that awareness and emotion are intimately linked and cannot state be delinked. A rising of one raises another. 💛

Lean In, Dear Women

'Lean In; Women, Work, and the will to lead.' is an internationally bestselling book by Sheryl Sandberg  (Chief Operating Officer of Facebook). I thank my teacher, friend, and mentor Jyoti Pradeep ma'am for lending it to me. 😇

The book hits the nail on the head regarding the lower status of women and their disempowerment. I am proud that being a successful leader herself, she has used her position for the empowerment of women throughout her life as well as through the book. The book is thoroughly researched, excellently written, easy to read and I am sure will touch every reader's heart.

In my opinion, every human must read this book and it is as imperative as it is to know the Law. I say this because, it is essential for everyone to become aware of the facts of the current so-called 'modern' society, polity, and economy. Only an aware individual would function in life always considering the 'woman question and be gender-sensitive. 

I was compelled to note down some quotes from the book. All of these are from the last chapter titled-'Working Together Toward Equality'. 

Following are some of my favorite quotes from the book.:-

1. "Equal opportunity is not equal unless everyone receives the encouragement that makes seizing those opportunities possible. Only then can both men and women achieve their full potential ".

2. "Women who want to take two weeks off ... or two days off... or two years ...or twenty years deserve everyone's full support".

3. " Because the vast majority of leaders are men, it is not possible to generalize from any one example. But the dearth of female leaders causes one woman to be viewed as representative of her entire generation ".

4. "In the 1970s, this phenomenon was common enough that the term "queen bee" was used to describe a woman who flourished in a leadership role, especially in male-dominated industries, and who used her position to keep other female "worker bees" down. For some, it was simple self-preservation. For others, it reflected their coming of age in a society that believed men were superior to women ". 

5. " Women's negative views of female coworkers are often seen as an objective assessment- more credible than the views of men"

6. " Society has long undervalued the contributions of those who work without salary ".

7. "Mothers who work outside the home should regard mothers who work inside the home as real workers. And mothers who work inside the home should be equally respectful of those choosing another option ".

8. "Expectations will not be set by gender but by personal passion, talents and interests ". 

9. "...These policies can have severe consequences; families with no access to paid family leave often go into debt and call fall into poverty. Part-time jobs with fluctuating schedules offer little chance to plan and often stop short of the forty-hour week that provides basic benefits ". 

10. " We must raise both the ceiling and the floor ". 

11. " More female leadership will lead to fairer treatment for all women. Shared experience forms the basis of empathy and, in turn, can spark the institutional changes we need ". 

12. " If we push hard now, this next wave can be the last wave. In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders ".  

13. 'When Gloria Steinem marched in the streets to fight for the opportunities that so many of us now take for granted, she quoted Susan B. Anthony, who marched in the streets before her and concluded, " Our job is not to make young women grateful. It is to make them ungrateful so they keep going ".'   

 

14. " I believe women can lead more in the workplace. I believe men can contribute more in the home. And I believe that this will create a better world, where half our institutions are run by women and half our homes are run by men ". 

Why Yoga

Namaskaram 🙏

Sensitivity towards life, shall not only make us aware of our own experiences in a more profound way but also make us more sensitive and empathetic towards others.  

Allowance with ease is the lack of resistance. Inner Engineering by Sadguru is thus, meant to reduce friction in the mechanics of our system. Greater awareness of our own being, automatically makes us aware of what is working and what is not. 

Sensitivity towards life, shall not only make us aware our own expereinces in a more profound way , but also make us more sensitive and empathetic towards others. 

Fulfilling demands of others, running about the entire time, completing tasks and fulfilling bodily urges and getting tired and sleeping in the night, not at all looking forward to the next day , but hesitantly waking up and again doing the same things again, for months and years, ofcourse affects us emotionally but also impacts our health in a tremendous way. 

Taking out some time to practice Yoga, for one's own well being is just as important as meeting our bodily urges like hunger and thirst. 

We tend to forget that this Being, is much more than this physical body and more importantly much more than the thoughts that we think. Our minds go on and on, incessantly. But, in the moments we can calm it, and let silence prevail, we experience the love, bliss and beauty in this vast Being that is flowing through this bodily intrument. 

I do not claim to be enlightenend but I have had experiences that are human and hence, I speak about them out of the urge to nudge fellow souls to enjoy the bliss that spirituality creates. 

It can be said that not everyone has the time for spirituality. Humans today, especially in metropolitan cities are living in a fast moving world. Time matters more than ever. Exceeding demands and tasks pile up. Many survive on a hand to mouth basis. I understand. Even while typing this, I can feel my stomach tighten up. Stress is a form of fear. The root of all negative emotions is fear. 

Let us dissect fear for a monment. Fear is an emotion that we have when we find ourselves in danger. Who is in danger? Oureslves. But in what way ? Are most of the situations a threat to our survival? Do they cause immediate danger to our lives? Rather, do we think that the situations that we apprehend may negatively affect our attchments? The attachments may be to a situation, or a person, or the past, or the present, or the future. The soul is unattached and extremely resilient. It has no threats. 

Threat to life, must be removed at any cost. However, for our attachments, we cause a threat to our life- our existence- our health. Because, life is only in the present moment and we lose it because of fear. There is only, now. 

Most of our misery is not because of what really happens but because of either our interpretation of what happened and our apprehension of what will happen. 

Yoga sadhana is meant to strengthen our will over our bodies and make our bodies much more efficient. Fear can be dissolved by awareness. We are constantly looking out in order to do what we should be doing, are supposed to be doing, are obliged to be doing, need to be doing and sometimes doing what we want to be doing. However, spiritual practices like listening to a guru, meditation, yogasnas, pranayama and practicing presence in daily life, brings our attention inwards. 

Over the past few months, I have been running about doing what I was supposed to be doing. My entire Being was deteriorating before my eyes. I have been a consistent Yoga practitioner all throughout my life. But I could not afford a yogic lifestyle due to my experienced paucity of time. I failed to realise, that one needs spirituality the most, especially during stressful seasons, mainly because sustained stress is not sustainable, it can take your life, figuratively and literally. I was living, but I kept saying that this is not life. 

On this auspicious day of Mahashivratri, I began Inner Enggineering. Sadguru brought me back to my own love. After my first 90 minutes session post midnight, I slept better than I did in the past 6 months, atleast. He did not do any magic. It essentially brought me back to how I felt during my days at Kaivalyadhama, Lonavala, where I did a 42 days residential Cerficate Course in Yoga. 

I would like to explain that it is similar, mainly because, one is drawn inward. The outside world looses it's charm on one. Wheras, the inside world is realised. I found myself becoming aware of my own vastness and love. I realised that 'I am love'. I am essentially everything. I realise that my own self was wainting to be seen. It was thirsty for my own attention. I did not give it any attention as I was all the time busy persuing, doing, acting, battling and achieving in the outside world. By pouring my awareness inside of me, I realised that I am not limited by this body. I am beyond it. I am everything I need. I still have bodily requuirements but I do not need to seek anything in the outside world to feel at peace, rested and satisfied inside my own self/ Being. I felt full. Parts of me that were thirsty to be discovered, were parched and my awareness quenched their thirst generously. But did they need me, or did I need them? Both needed this union. The alienation of the Being and awareness or presence towards onself can be so vast, that one doesn't realise being fragmented or seperated. Yoga , essentially means, union. This union is significant for sustainable well-being. Looking inward , unified me with myself and hence, I could feel an ocean of love. Desires and wishes come and go, but none of them is more essential than my self. I could feel the peace and fulfillment within myself. Earlier, I had this urge to keep myslef occupied or engaged in something or have thoughts. But now, none of this was required for fulfilling myself. I was full by my own awareness. Oprah says very rightly, "fill your own cup". Only when one is full can one give, or-else giving in a deprieved state makes one resentful, angry, in-efficient and hence fearful.

I am aware that this is not the ultimate. Daily and consistent practice, with full involvement is required to manifest our full potential. Being humans, we may fall out of balance. Hence, consistency is key in centering oneself again. Nothing in the outside world can compensate for the fulfillment that spirituality can bring. It provides only temporary solutions and one cannot afford a temporary solution as this life is precious. 

However, everyone realises this at their own pace. Life experience teaches us. One important thing that life taught me is that, it does not matter what one succeeds in acomplishing. That's because goals and desires do not cease. It is best if our own greivance and resistance ceases. So, what we achive has very little value to what we become while achiveing those things.So, it is essential to decide upon how does one want to live and conduct onself? Essentially, who does one want to become ultimately? Our values may keep changing, but atleast we can aspire for a heavenly state of mind.

Happy Mahashivratri! 🙏

Correcting Mistakes of Language

Accept correction and be willing to correct because In life, we learn from our mistakes but in language we learn our mistakes as well as those of others!

Bewilderment. The Path to 'The Good Life'.

The masculine aspect of humanity has made logic, laws and institutions which have a function in the society but if they are accompanied with sensitivity, the masculine and feminine aspects of humanity would be balanced in general and women would be empowered in particular. 

The masculine makes sense of the world in such a straight forward way that he cut off all that he could not make sense of. Witches and tawaifs or courtesans were feared by him as he could not tame them and hence they became his victims. They were proficient in many more ways than the women he had domesticated. 

He had been trained to be practical and ignore emotions. 

This is mostly a 'man-made' world. He labelled what he could not understand as a sin inducer. 

He had failed to realise that the said 'good life' for which he persistently works towards in the abovesaid ways, actually lay beyond the grasp of language. The good thing about science is that it keeps moving forward by correcting it's claims always. However, the society doesn't change heart at that speed. The traditions, laws and norms take time to adapt or expand. 

What he never understood, he was brave enough only to fear. Had he embraced it, he would have known what falling in love or letting go of control is. Because, only when there is fear, is there a need for control. He only kept making ever increasing laws and institutions. 

This non linear world which he never understood was not meant to be made sense of. It was meant to make him loose his sense, loose track of time and suspend judgement. 

It required a different, more gentler approach, which could be afforded only by those brave and rich enough to accept magic. 

This is the feminine aspect of humanity. It is incomprehensible, mysterious and magical. It can't be expressed or understood but only experienced.

He has tried to control her by defining what is civilized and dignified according to him. Those who defied his standards were stigmatised. 

However, by taming her, he crushed the very foundation of a good life. Civilization is collectively multiple layers of masculinity on top of the good life. By replacing civilization which cares more about 'looking good' with art that cares about being a joyful expression and 'feeling good', the good life can be unearthed. 

Ofcourse, there needs to be a healthful balance between the masculine and feminine aspect of humanity. 

In order to step towards a good life, let tradition and culture be aids but not barriers. Creativity comes through bewilderness. 

The weariness that the masculine tries to heal is due to the relegation of the feminine aspect of humanity.  Release her and let her work her magic. No need to figure out what colour it is. Let yourself flow, explore and be bewildered to arrive at 'the good life'. 

Women's Mental Health in Technological age

Objective:

This article aims to understand why women’s mental health technological age needs special and targeted care by understanding how the causes and consequences of mental issues in women are different from those in men. 

Statement :

Technology is a boon or a bane depending on the socio-cultural context it is in. The demand and supply sides of mental health care and technology need to be released from the grip of patriarchy. Also, mental health and technology in particular and development in general must be gender sensitive.  

A) Why Does Women’s Mental Health Need Special Attention?

Common mental disorders (CMD) are depression , anxiety and somatic complaints. Women are two to three times more vulnerable to CMD than men. 

Leading mental health problems of the elderly are depression, organic brain syndromes, and dementia. Majority of the sufferers of these are women. 

Ladies and children are around  80% of the 50 million people victims of violent conflicts, civil wars, disasters, and displacement. 

Lifetime prevalence rate of violence against ladies ranges from 16% to 50%.

Depression is expected to be the second leading cause of disability burden by 2020. The number of women suffering from depression is around double that of men.  It is the most common women’s mental health challenge. 

Anxiety disorders are twice or thrice multiplied in women when compared to men. Women have a greater severity of symptoms. They usually have a comorbid depression and a more complicated course. 

Women and men suffer from bipolar disorder differently. Women experience higher depressive episodes and seasonal mood disturbances. 

A study conducted in India revealed 0.8% to be the one year incidence of attempted suicide by women, among which 37% had baseline CMDs. 

The precipitants for suicide wr.t. Following causes, according to Indian government statistics, among women compared to men are as follows: 

Dowry disputes (2.9% versus 0.2%);

Love affairs (15.4% versus 10.9%); 

Illegitimate pregnancies (10.3 versus 8.2); 

Quarrels with spouse or parents-in-law (10.3% versus 8.2%).

B) Factors Causing Women’s Mental Health Issues:

A person’s sex is an operation of nature and their gender is an operation of socialization or nurture. Factors influencing women’s mental health have been divided into biological and social factors. 

I) Biological factors :

Women mostly internalize liabilities and men externalize liabilities. Crime and aggression are ways of externalizing disorder symptoms. 

 Hormones related to the reproductive cycle may be the reason for women’s increased susceptibility to depression. 

Premenstrual and menstrual phases  make women more susceptible to irritability, restlessness, anxiety, tension, migraine, sleep disturbances, sadness, dysphoria, and the lack of concentration. 

 Mental disturbances frequently occur during late pregnancy and in the postpartum period. Postpartum blues is the most common and least severe postpartum illness affecting between 50% and 80% of new mothers. One in six pregnant women and one in five women who have recently given birth experience a CMD.

Menopause is a time of change for women not only in their endocrine and reproductive systems, but also their social and psychological circumstances. It has long been known that menopause is accompanied by depression and other mental disturbances. 

II) Social factors :

Social model of health and the concept of a health field :  The concept of health field, promoted by WHO, emphasises the importance of following individual behavioral ,material, economic, psychosocial factors and the complex reciprocal relationships of the above in determining health. 

The effect of biological vulnerability is increased by the social disadvantages that women have. A person’s gender affects the control they have over their lives in general and mental health in particular. Since India is still not able to accept women as equal to men, women with mental illness are doubly insecure. 

The Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women, adopted by the UN General Assembly in 1993, defines violence against women as “any act of gender-based violence [GBV] that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life”.

Social factors contributing to mental illness:

These are multiple roles ascribed to women such as the unremitting responsibility of caring for others, gender discrimination, poverty, hunger, malnutrition, overwork, sexual abuse, severe life events that cause a sense of loss, inferiority, humiliation or entrapment, wrath of dowry practices, a firm patriarchal family system with the woman having little say, lesser opportunities for education and employment, alcoholism of their partners, domestic violence, divorce /separation, lesser support from relatives especially while suffering from mental illness or separation from their partners, life stressors like delivery of a baby, nurturing children, old and the sick, weariness of crossing social lines with education and employment and the pressure to live up to societal expectations, belonging to  nuclear families, marriage at a very young age, etc.

1) Violence in technology :

Technology, like democracy, needs to be used responsibly and is a power that must be given into trained hands. Cyber-based GBV discourages women from using technology and thus exacerbates the gendered digital divide and further disempowers them. This needs to be addressed while we seek technology led development. 

Education , technology and economic growth are empowering women in a way. However, they have not addressed patriarchal socio-cultural factors that perpetuate gender inequality and thus affect women’s mental health. 

37% of women in tech industry in U.S. are victims of sexual assault. 

According to a UN Broadband Commission report, 73 per cent of women are abused online worldwide. 

2) Negative effects of social media:

 a) Pressure to be ‘perfect’:

Other social media sites like twitter, Facebook, Instagram and snapchat caused bullying and negative impacts on quality of sleep and body image. Friends only post pictures of achievements and good times. This may cause comparison and fall in self esteem. With the availability of so many photo editing options and the increasing focus on outer appearance regardless of whether or not it is accurate can undermine one’s self worth. 

b) Increased indirect communication: 

Language over social media can be indirect. It can cloud the tone and intent of communication. This may cause stress and confusion about how honest and forthright communication is, thus threatening the ability to form stable relationships if there is a lack of in-person communication. A combination of in person and tech based communication can strengthen bonds. There is a positive relationship between the frequency and severity of such social factors and the frequency and severity of mental health problems in women. Women's mental health tends to suffer as they are faced with such stressors and are ill-equipped to cope with the same.

C)  Gender Based Impacts Of Mental Illness In Women:

1) Social problems:

Rehabilitation of women who have suffered mental health problems is difficult due to the reasons such as marital abandonment, homelessness, vulnerability to abuse and to sexually transmitted diseases, women with mental issues are doubly inflicted by abuse when compared to women in general.

Whereas women are required to be the primary caregivers of their husbands who are mentally ill, it is themselves who still need to carry on with the role of care-giving to the family despite their problems. 

Care services for a mentally ill women are calleds for irregularly and late. 

A mentally ill woman is socially ostracized and may go through separation from her husband. She is made responsible for her illness. Being mentally ill after being a woman is a dual curse.  Rather she is blamed for the illness. 

The responsibility of her care is usually ascribed to her own family rather than her marital family.  

The stigma of separation from her husband is more sharply experienced than the stigma due to mental illness

The caregivers of a mentally ill daughter become more miserable upon contemplating her future. 

2) Structural problems: Problems in service provision and utilization: 

Service provision: Indian mental hospitals appear to primarily provide services to men in distress as there is sex-based discrimination regarding access to beds. In government hospitals which have only service the male female percentage ratio for allotment of beds was 73:27. Similarly, it was 66:34 in those with service, research and training.

 The Mental Healthcare Act (MHCA), 2017 aims to protect the rights of people affected by mental illness in India. However, there is no provision to specifically meet the needs of mentally ill women.  The present mental health care system in India focuses on psychiatric services. It can better meet the needs of women if it focuses on provision of counselling, support structures, creating awareness and reducing stigma. 

Utilization : The male female ratio of attendance in public health psychiatric outpatient’s clinics in urban India is 3:1. This ‘under-utilization’ is attributed to the comparatively higher stigma attached to women’s mental illness and the general neglect towards women’s health. 

D) Solutions:

The following outlook shifts are required:

1) Change in mental health policy:

Currently policies towards women’s health focus on reproductive and maternal health. This scope should be increased to include the mental and physical health of women across their life cycles. 

If we divide all factors affecting women’s mental health into two, they would be a) individual lifestyle factors and b) socio-cultural factors. 

Often focus is on the individual lifestyle risk factors. However, this has the following repercussions: Firstly, it ignores the sociocultural factors that bring the lifestyle into place and in which it is embedded. Secondly, it places the entire responsibility of the ill health and healing on the woman alone. Little is in a woman’s control, given her lack of agency. The real answer lies in social change. 

2) Social media as a mental health tool:

Opportunities to empathize. : The needs for self-identity, communication, empathizing, sense of community and emotional support are met by social media in general and YouTube in particular. YouTube provides a platform to empathize with unknown people as people learn about personal health experiences. YouTube, in particular, decreased the levels of depression, anxiety, and isolation.

Expanded access to mental health resources. :Given the stigma of mental health therapy and it’s inaccessibility, technology has made mental health resources and therapy more accessible. Many relevant apps are free or economic. 

Some tools such as Crisis Text Line gives people access to text trained volunteers to deescalate a moment of crisis. Anxiety Coach helps people track daily progress for long term health management. 

Such resources make individuals more accepting towards in-person treatment or provide supplementary support. In fact many professionals are using such aids. 

Opportunities to engage: Texting is associated with lower levels of same-day depression and anxiety. People suffering from depression tend to isolate themselves and thus social media is a great avenue for opening up. 

Understanding social media better can aid us in using it as an effective health care tool. 

3)  Gender sensitive ICT

Integration of the gender perspective into technology and a discussion of their complex relationship is needed.  The following five fold approach is suggested: 

The gendered nature of ICT should be addressed. Currently, most technology makers are men. More women involved in the industry and gender neutral technology development will make ICT gender sensitive. 

Socio- cultural and economic environment within which ICT is based needs to be made equal for women. This will increase the number of women consumers of ICT.

Closure of the gap between health and wellness.

Generation of supportive relationships and not competitive ones.

Creation of a positive relationship between women and technology.

Keeping the above in mind the following actions are required:

Education, training, and interventions targeting the social and physical environment.

Maintenance of data about women’s issues.

Awareness among primary care providers about women’s issues. They must routinely maintain dialogue about women’s mental health on an individual and community basis. 

Women’s issues at the workplace must be studied and addressed through interventions. 

Improvement in the criminal justice response to violence against women.

Movements to fight prostitution, sexual abuse, and domestic violence.

Women experiencing circumstances like domestic violence need support to self manage their condition. Keeping the above biological and socio-cultural factors in mind, web based applications can be used as interventions for this purpose. 

Real-time support through online chats, safety apps and wearable tech that act as a rape whistle activated with a press of a button.

Conclusion

To rescue gender from the poverty trap, we need poverty-independent gender analysis and policies. There is no substitute for a gender analysis, beyond other social and economic cleavages. Thus, instead of taking action specifically for women empowerment, there is an urgent need for a re-examination of development through a gender perspective. Gender equality is a social reform ideal which has to be pursued from within the society. It is not a product of the technological age. Technology and State policies must tend to the aforementioned gender specific needs and vulnerabilities  in their socio-cultural, economic, political, legal and psychological contexts to improve women’s mental health.

References:

Malhotra, S., & Shah, R. (n.d.). Women and mental health in India: An overview. Retrieved February 22, 2020, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4539863/

Department of Mental Health and Substance Dependence World Health Organization, Geneva. (n.d.). Women’s Mental Health:  An Evidence Based Review. Retrieved February 22, 2020, from https://www.who.int/mental_health/media/en/67.pdf

Northwest Primary Care. (n.d.). 5 Ways Technology Impacts Young Women’s Mental Health - NWPC. Retrieved February 24, 2020, from https://www.nwpc.com/5-ways-technology-impacts-the-mental-health-of-young-women/

Das, K., & Das, B. (n.d.). TECHNOLOGY AND WOMEN IN INDIA With Special Reference to the Rural Sector. Retrieved February 21, 2020, from http://www.helsinki.fi/iehc2006/papers1/Das.pdf

Wang, S. W. (n.d.). New Economy Growth and Gender: Examining the Impact of IT on Indian Women . Retrieved February 19, 2020, from http://web.mit.edu/profit/India%20and%20Outsourcing%20Papers/IT%20and%20the%20Indian%20Women%20v2.pdf

Nikpur, A. (n.d.). The Technological Revolution and Its Impact on Gender Relations with a Special Focus on India and Africa. Retrieved February 18, 2020, from https://www.orfonline.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/ORFIssueBrief_109.pdf

Bektimirova, A. (2019, December 23). Violence against Women and Girls: what’s tech got to do with it? Retrieved February 18, 2020, from https://www.equals.org/single-post/2019/11/25/Violence-against-Women-and-Girls-what%E2%80%99s-tech-got-to-do-with-it

Rao, R. (2019, March 1). Mental Healthcare Act, 2017, and addiction treatment: Potential pitfalls and trepidations Rao R, Varshney M, Singh S, Agrawal A, Ambekar A - Indian J Psychiatry. Retrieved February 18, 2020, from http://www.indianjpsychiatry.org/article.asp?issn=0019-5545;year=2019;volume=61;issue=2;spage=208;epage=212;aulast=Rao